letters to an unknown god/your god is silent

One of the privileges of serving as pastor is the opportunity to walk with so many different people on their life's journey. From all of you, and from your great variety of life experiences, I learn so much about how God is at work in the world and I'm blessed. Hearing your stories strengthens me in faith. Sharing our stories strengthens us all. One person from this congregation who has been particularly graceful in her conversations with me is Arianne. She's given me permission to share her story with you.

Arianne is a young woman, talented, smart, vivacious, stunning-inside and out-with a passion for people and for being a faithful follower of Jesus. She's faced some incredibly difficult health issues these past 3 years-I invite you to listen to her:

Hey Mary, Thanks for the call. It seems we're playing a fair amount of telephone tag so I thought I'd just send you a quick note to let you know where I'm at these days....but I hope it won't be long before we're able to find a time to connect.

It's been another really difficult day-well, I guess in all honesty, it's been a miserable week. The pain, though I never would have believed it possible, is worse. I can't eat. I can't work. It's really hard to sleep. It's been so long since I've enjoyed going out-hanging with friends. I really miss the social scene... I miss being with my friends. I miss going out to eat. I miss being able to travel. It's been three years....and 4 surgeries since I was healthy. This is not the way life is supposed to be. I'm young. I've got my whole life in front of me but instead I find myself dealing with all this stuff. I pray and pray and pray for things to be different. I want healing, I want my life back the way it was before-but I don't know, I've been praying the same prayers for three years and nothing gets better. Instead it seems that things just gets worse. I can't help but wonder why God is silent.

This is where I'm at right now. It's not like I sit around and think about God's silence all the time. I think about it sometimes but mostly I just think about wanting to get better. And so I just keep on praying. I pray for relief. I pray for healing. I pray for my old life back. I'm not asking for the moon here-just some kind of normalcy in my life. But nothing gets better. And then I find myself wondering-is God silent or is it just that I'm not getting the prayers right? Am I missing something here? I'd sure like to know...

Give me a call when you can. I look forward to getting together soon.

Love, Arianne

Why is God silent? Arianne's not the only one to ask the question. I would guess we've all asked it at some point-if not for ourselves, then for someone we love, or for a particular situation. The focus for our sermon series is to address claims that come from our culture -claims such as your God is silent-- but the truth of the matter is that the experience of God's silence is not unique to people just in the culture. As people in the church, we experience it too.

In the Gospel we just read Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees, Jewish people who understood that a person's righteousness was determined by their ability to keep God's law. Jesus had just broken many of the Jewish laws and they were challenging Jesus to defend his works. But Jesus answered with an unexpected figure of speech instead-using metaphors to communicate the message he was sent to bring. Being right with God was about being in a relationship with God through Jesus-not about one's ability to keep rules. Jesus says:

"Very truly, I tell you, anyone who does not enter the sheepfold by the gate but climbs in by another way is a thief and a bandit. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice.

It might be comforting to think of Jesus as our shepherd but there are parts of this metaphor that are troubling too: like the part where the sheep both hear and know the shepherd's voice. If we are the sheep in this metaphor than doesn't it follow that we should always know and hear his voice too?

I don't think the knowing his voice creates as much dis-ease as the hearing does. Acquiring knowledge is relatively easy with the right tools and God's given us tools: worship God; read scripture, pray, love others, serve others, live in community. We can do these things-always better to be sure-but these are the kinds of things that can be checked off some imaginary list we keep of ways to know Jesus better. But to hear his voice? That seems to be more of a stretch.

I'm not sure we can ever be certain about whether we hear Jesus' voice and therein lies the dis-ease. If I don't hear his voice does that mean I'm not a part of his flock or worse, that he's moved on and left me behind?

Arianne-is there any chance this Thursday would work for me to come visit. Let me know-

I'm sorry to hear that on top of everything else you're also struggling with God's silence. You're probably not surprised to know that I have a few thoughts on the subject-not answers necessarily-but things to think about anyway. You might find comfort in knowing that in 16 years of being a pastor I've never had anyone come to me to discuss something that God has said to them. Most people come because they're longing to hear from God, but like you, it's radio silence! Why is God silent? I don't know that there's one answer to that but it doesn't mean we should quit asking. People have been wrestling with God's silence for thousands of years. One would think that if we desire to hear God's voice that God would be thrilled and would respond in a way we couldn't miss. One would think.....but then who are we to know God's thoughts. We can learn about God's silence from stories in the bible though. Check out Elijah's experience in 1 Kings Chapter 19. God was not present in the powerful winds, in the earthquake or the fire as we might expect. God was present in the "sheer silence". So here's some good news: God's silence doesn't mean God is absent! Maybe silence actually brings us more deeply into God's presence. I think that's worth thinking about!

Also check out the book of Job. After Job endures God's silence through incredible, unimaginable suffering God finally speaks and reminds Job that God is God and Job is not. So here's some more good news: God is God even when God is silent. We are not left to ourselves even in the midst of all that we can't understand.

I can't help but think of Jesus' story too. Who better understands the silence of God? Jesus begged for another way out but God was silent. As he was hanging on that cross-suffering more than we could ever understand-God's own son cried out and got no response. But Jesus kept believing in God-he trusted God with his very life and death. And then in his resurrection God's silence was broken. God finally spoke and it was a word of hope and new life!

Finally, spend some time with Psalm 23. I think this Psalm captures the heart of being in a relationship with God. To believe in God doesn't mean we're not afraid or angry about what happens to us it just means that we believe we know who'll be with us when it does. Faith isn't based on certainty but on trust and hope.

There's certainly a lot more to God's silence-most of which I can't begin to understand myself--but of one thing I'm confident: nothing can take away God's word to you in Jesus Christ-not illness, not anger, not silence. You belong to God. Trust God and by his grace, he will see you through. We can talk about this more the next time we're together if you'd like. In the mean time, keep praying Arianne and keep listening! Dwell in the silence-God's promise is that he already dwells there with you. You are in my prayers. Love and peace to you-Mary

Mary,

Thanks for your note. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who wonders why God seems silent. I continue to have a lot of conversations with God. I'm not happy with my life and I keep telling God that. I never used to get mad at God, but I do now. At first I felt guilty about that but not any more. I figure God is big enough to handle my frustrations and my anger and then I start to think that it might not only be that God can handle it but that God also feels it with me. Somehow I find strength in that.

One thing's for sure. Prayer doesn't come as easily as it used to and prayer isn't as simple as it used to be. I don't remember ever being at a loss for words in my conversations with God before I was so sick, but it happens pretty often now. I mean what else is there to say? I've said everything there is...God knows everything on my heart...but things stay the same. That part makes me mad-but it's not like I'm going to quit believing in God because of it. I mean as miserable as things are right now, as hard as life is for me, I can't imagine going through this alone. In fact, I know I couldn't get through this. To not have faith, to not believe in God takes away all hope and hope is what I need most. Hope is what gets me through the challenges I face every day.

And so even though it seems my prayers don't get answered the way I want I don't give up. I may not be completely healed but lots of good things are happening-I've made it through 4 surgeries successfully, I'm surrounded by a fabulous support group of friends and family and the church. I've got good doctors and nurses.....

Oh, and just the other night...an amazing thing happened. A couple of friends were over visiting and we were talking about my frustration and anger at my situation and about how I just want answers and don't seem to get any when the phone rang. I answered it. It was a woman I was acquainted with through my work years ago. I didn't know her very well but she told me that she'd noticed I hadn't been around for awhile and so she had asked my supervisor about me. My supervisor told her how sick I'd been and that it had been going on for a long time. This woman asked how she could get a hold of me...my supervisor gave her my email. She contacted me and asked if she could call. I gave her my phone number and so this was her call.

She shared with me her story...about how she had been sick for a long time when she was about my age. She too had been unable to work and live life as she had hoped. This woman knew my story! She had been where I was now and just talking with her renewed my hope-I wasn't alone, things could get better! She gave me some ideas and some names of people who might be able to help. I hung up and one of my friends wondered outloud: do you think that maybe in that phonecall you got your answer? Do you think maybe that was God speaking through her?

I don't know for sure-but I'd like to think so and that gives me hope and hope is good; hope is enough.

I heard a song the other day, I'll play it for you when you come. It's by Mark Schulz and the words summed up what I'm feeling these days. It goes like this:

And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me ...

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm

I can't explain my faith very well. I can't understand what I'm going through but I do know that these words ring true for me.

By the way, Thursday afternoon would be great if that still works for you. Give me a call and we'll set the time. I'll look forward to being together then.

Love, Arianne